Back In The Swill Of Things

Old Buck had to split town for a few (don't ask) but your boy is back in NYC and ready to fuck shit up! The new year brings all types of shitty parties to blab about so stay tuned.

Thursday, November 12th

NC-17
@ Lit, 93 2nd Ave.
10PM-4AM
No Cover
Open Bar 12-12:30

Buck says: If you didn't get your fill of partying in smelly basements when you were in high school then this is your jammy jam. Instead of the party being thrown by the asshole jock, NC-17 is led by the androgynous DJ Jess. Despite this, the words "asshole" and "jock" are still pretty appropriate when describing this party - in more ways then one. Zing! Anywho, skip the open bar and don't bother getting here until 2AM because that's about when it gets fun. And don't let the bitchy bartenders ruin your night.

Wednesday, November 12th

VHS Or Beta DJs
w/ Free Blood, Justin Miller (DFA)
@ 205, 205 Chrystie St.
8PM

Buck says: Ever wonder what the rich hipster kids you always see at Hiro on Thursday do on Wednesday? No. Yeah, well your slutty girlfriend does and this ones for her. Poor girl can't survive on PBR - she needs a "man" that can afford an occasional Apple-tini. By the way VHS Or Beta and some dude from DFA are DJing which is something, I suppose. Free Blood and US Royalty are playing live too.

Play House
w/ Steve Aoki
@ Cain, 544 W. 27th St.
11PM
Free w/ RSVP

Buck says: Lourde Douche spinning at a bridge-and-tunnel club. That is all.

Tuesday, November 11th

Disco Down
@ Happy Ending, 302 Broome St.
10PM-4AM
No Cover
Free vodka 11-12

Buck says: No matter how bad the economy gets it will have zero effect on the party kids who never had jobs in the first place. You'll find plenty of them at Happy Ending tonight sharing their free vodka with down-and-out former Wall Street brokers just looking to drown their sorrows. Oh, and before you wipe your ass with the latest copy of Paper bring it to the party and have it signed by the Glitter Kids... whoever the fuck they are? Paper, just kidding about the ass wiping line - I dig ya, just needed some funny editorial. You know how it is.

Saturday, November 8th

Pretty In Pink
@ Public Assembly, 70 N. 6th St.
10PM-4AM
$10, $8 if you wear pink
Free porn and $4 Pink Pussycat Cocktails

Buck says: The only thing better then sluts is tattoo'd sluts. Burning Angel is hosting this little shindig so there will surely be plenty of the latter. The special guest DJ is some wanker from the Real World: Brooklyn, and by "special" they mean retarded. You know, like Corky - poor dumb bastard. Well the combination of naked porn stars and MTV reality asshats means one thing - more bridge and tunnel morons then you can shake a stick at. Although I suggest trying, just make sure your stick is a spiked bat.

Tuesday, October 28th

The Fame Ball w/ Lady Gaga, Semi Precious Weapon, Cazwell, Amanda Lepore, & more.
@ Highline Ballroom, 431 W. 16th St.
9PM-4AM
$10

Buck says: I have no idea who this Lady Gaga chick is but she has a great ass! NYC is famous for it's gay nightlife and, frankly, it doesn't get much gayer then this. But just remember: gay means fun, and with performances by SPW and Cazwell it certainly will be. And if all the glam boys aren't your thing then just sit tight and wait for the show. Word on the street is it's going to be damn near impossible to get into this so get their early and wear your assless fur chaps.

Trainwreck

@ Angels & Kings, 500 E. 11th St.

10PM-4AM
No Cover
Free Trump vodka 10:30-11:30

Buck says: If you've ever said to yourself "Boy-o-boy, NYC sure does need a weekly pop punk/emo party" then you're in luck. Wait - you haven't asked yourself that? Well, neither did I. So, who exactly goes to this again? Oh right, drunks. Free booze packs the house every night. Oh and it's the Gym Class Heroes after party so if you're looking to fuck a 17 year old from LI tonight is your best bet.

Scenery: Chocolate Rainman

Man, are we really so obsessed with pop culture that hipster kids are taking style tips from Tay Zonday? Seriously? Don't be surpised if next month we see Michael Cera running around Brooklyn dressed like the fucking Star Wars kid. Chocolate RAAAAIIIINNN.

Thursday, October 23rd

Unstoppable Perfect
@ Happy Ending, 302 Broome St.
10PM-4AM
No Cover
2 for 1 drinks 11-12

Buck says: Unstoppable Perfect is a weekly party at Happy Ending, but you knew that. What's so great about it? Nothing. It's never any better or worse then the last one and we enjoy that kind of consistency. If you're trying to avoid bands then this is one of the few options you have tonight. Make sure you buy Antwan a shot - he's the dude with the camera.

The Whiskey
@ 205, 205 Chrystie St.

9PM-4AM

Free, Must RSVP here
Free Ardberg Whiskey all night

Bucks says: 205 is where all the trust fund hipsters hang out when they're not out yachting (trust me, they yacht like motherfuckers). Tonight a gaggle of random bands you have never heard of will be playing upstairs. Downstairs isn't much better with the exception of Amylu and Marcelo - they're sweethearts. But let's cut the shit - the only reason anyone will be at this is for the endless free whiskey. I suggest bringing a switchblade or your huge ex-jock friend. We all know what happens when people drink whiskey all night - it's going to get ugly!

MyOpenBar Presents

w/ The Muslims, Vivian Girls, & more

@ Don Pedro's, 90 Manhattan Ave - Brooklyn
9PM
$5, Must RSVP here

Free SoCo all night

Bucks says: Hipster bands? Check. Free alcohol? Check. Middle of fucking nowhere? Check. Sounds like an MOB party alright. Wait one more question to confirm. No cover? Umm... not check. Wait, is this a MyOpenBar party? What gives MOB, we're in a recession and we only have tip money. The bartenders are going to be pretty pissed when my tip consists of pennies and pocket lint.

CMJ = Clusterfuck of Marketing Jerkoffs

Tomorrow begins the music biz orgy known as CMJ. It's essentially a week of the most mind blowing ass kissing you'll ever witness.

Thousands of music biz elites will be in NYC checking out bands they have to pretend to like to impress their peers. Hundreds of shitty bands will play for free in order to please these people. The few exciting bands worth seeing will play to crowds of folded arm assholes who spend the whole show texting their assistants. The bands real fans will have almost no chance of actually getting in.

Meanwhile, those with CMJ badges (a mere $450) will be able to attend panels where aging music biz insiders talk about how awesome they are to a room full of people dumb enough to think they know what they're talking about (the music biz is dead, don't listen). By the way, if you actually bought a badge don't expect to get into any good shows. Anyone who's done this before knows that thing is worthless if a half decent band is playing - get on a list or don't bother.

And there it is - CMJ. NYC's answer to SXSW. Enjoy... and RSVP!

Tuesday, October 21st

Taste: CMJ Kickoff & Dinner Party
@ Nublu, 62 Ave C
9PM
Free, must RSVP here
Complimentary drinks and food, 9-12

Buck says: This is weird, and yet semi-awesome, event. The talent line-up is all over the map which means you won't get bored. As always the best part is the free drinks and food. This is only for the cool kids, which you aren't. So when you RSVP and it asks for your "company/affiliation" just type in Vice or Pitchfork or some other trendy company with a large staff.

Deli & GBH Present
@ Hiro, 363 West 16th St.

7:30PM
$8/$12

Bud Lite Open Bar 7:30-8:30

Buck says: Good old Hiro Ballroom - where hipsters can get a glimpse of how the collar poppin' B&T crowd live (B&T = Bridge & Tunnel, stupido). The combo of decent bands and free shitty beer make this worth checking out. Of course there's like 10 better shows tonight, but this isn't a concert blog it's a party blog and with GBH involved this is more party then concert.

Scenery

So this is what happens when a former gutter punk cleans the piss off his clothes and decides he likes The Cure more then Choking Victim? Oh well, at least you have those bitchin' Indian ink tats! 2012, aye? Clever... clever like a retard. Semper Fi.

Monday, October 20th

Drambuie Den

@ Katra, 217 Bowery

6:30-9:30

Free, must RSVP here

Buck says: Stay the fuck home, order chinese and watch Heroes. Seriously, tonight is your only chance to rest up before the shit storm that is CMJ rolls into town. If you absolutely must get hammered at least drink early and eat some food. Drambuie Den offers both - for free! I checked out the last one of these and the food was great. The Drambuie cocktails weren't bad either.

Under The Gymfluence

w/ Treasure Fingers, FOTP, and live performance from cast of Spiegelworld

@ 404 Lafayette St.

8PM-11PM

Free, must RSVP here

Buck says: Nothing makes you feel better then going to the gym, right? Especially when you go and stuff your face with free food and booze. Brooklyn hipster elitists (and twins, neato!) Finger On The Pulse will be spinning alongside Treasure Fingers. Douchetastic! This will be your longest session at the gym ever.

Sunday, October 19th

Dim Mak NYC
@ BLVD, 199 Bowery
10PM-4AM
Free w/ RSVP here
Open Bar: 10-11, not sure what.

Buck says: Sorry if I'm not as excited as the rest of you idiots about this one. Stretch Armstrong, Eli Escobar, Pase Rock, and a special guest. Oh boy! More fucking DJs... You're a record label how about a band? And if the special guest is Steve Aoki then I'm going to punch someone in the face - probably Steve Aoki. If you like "oonst-oonst" shit disguised as hipster electro shit (and we're talking extra retarded LA hipsters) then this is your jam.

Fluid
@ The Grace Hotel, 125 W. 45th Street
6PM-2AM
Free, must RSVP here

Buck says: Hey it's cold as fuck out - let's go swimming! Are you kidding me? I already gained my winter weight and I doubt anyone wants to see my fat ass in a speedo... and I would wear a speedo. So if you want to be reminded of how out of shape and pasty you've gotten since summer then enjoy the pool. I'll be home crying in the bath tub, eating fried chicken.